You Can't Always Get What You Want
by Amber477
Summary: Late 3rd season. Derek and Meredith are together, but Derek has to go to New York with his ex.wife Addison. The sexy exes are forced to spend a weekend together, while the interns try to figure out what has Alex so hot and bothered. RR!
1. Chapter 1

A/N- Set mid-to-late 3rd season. Derek and Meredith are together, and PastyCreepyFinn is gone, but as for everyone else…just wait and see.

YOU CAN'T ALWAYS GET WHAT YOU WANT Chapter One --

A rare sunny morning dawned on Seattle, flooding through the windows of Derek's trailer. He looked over his notes at the table, chewing on a crunchy piece of toast.

He heard Meredith turning off the shower.

"Mer!" He called, looking up.

"Yeah?" She poked her head out of the shower, a towel wrapped turban-style around her head.

"Can you hurry, please? I can't be late this morning."

Meredith sighed.

"I'm hurrying." She left the shower, and quickly got dressed.

She noticed, with a small sting of injury, that he didn't even look over at her as she got dressed. He had been acting so strangely lately.

"Derek?"

"Yes."

"Is everything okay?"

"Everything's fine, I'm just really not looking forward to taking these."

"With her."

"This has nothing to do with Addison."

Meredith looked skeptical.

"So you're not scared of looking bad in front of her?"

"No. We've barely spoken since we met with the lawyers to finalize the divorce. I don't know or care what she thinks of my career."

"She's not even with Mark anymore."

Derek finally did look up.

"Who told you that?"

"Izzie. Apparently, they're getting all buddy-buddy.  
And Addison told her she broke it off with Mark."

Derek shrugged.

"Good. He's an asshole."

"It won't be that bad. The only time you have to see her is on the flight to New York." Meredith said,  
pulling on a green t-shirt and jeans.

"That's a very long flight."

Meredith smiled, putting her damp hair in a ponytail.

"Ready."

"Of course I am."

"No, I mean I'm ready to go."

"Oh. Okay." Derek grabbed his jacket and car keys off the table.

--

Addison woke up to her blaring alarm clock with a hangover headache.

She sat up in bed, sighing heavily as she turned off the alarm and pushed her long hair out of her face.

Suddenly, she heard someone stirring beside her.

"Morning." A sleepy male voice said.

Addison froze, thinking maybe if she didn't move, he'd go away.

Alex sat up in bed next to her.

"What's wrong?" He asked her.

Addison didn't say anything for a long moment, picking up her robe and slipping it on.

"I'm taking a shower." She said shortly.

"Then I am too." Alex said, grinning.

"NO." She held up a hand, tying her robe tightly, "No.  
Alex…Dr. Karev, please just go. There's no need to discuss this."

"Discussing wasn't really what I had in mind." He said, pulling her back towards the bed.

He went to kiss her, and she was horrified to find herself wanting him to. She looked down at the last second.

Addison took a deep, steadying breath.

"Dr. Karev. I will see you at work. Where we will not be talking about…anything but work. Are we clear?"

"Crystal." Alex shrugged, smiling slyly.

"I mean it."

"Okay."

"I'm going to take a shower."

"You said that already."

He turned away from her, putting on his boxer shorts.

"I'm not trying to be cruel…it's just I'm your superior, it was…this was a mistake."

"One hell of a mistake." Alex pointed out. "And so what if you're my superior? Every attending at the hospital, including your ex, has an intern booty call.  
Now you have me. Big deal."

"Oh, no." Addison suddenly stopped.

"What?"

"Derek."

"I really don't think he could get mad at you about this." Alex laughed.

"No, this has nothing to do with you- we leave for our board reviews today."

"So?"

"So I can't exactly show up looking hungover and guilty." Addison began furiously rummaging through her closet.

"Please. You always look good."

She snorted with laughter, picking out a light blue sweater and grey pinstripe pants and laying them out.

"Please be gone when I'm out of the shower." She said over her shoulder, closing the bathroom door behind her.

Alex just laughed, pulling on the shirt and jeans he had worn last night and hoping no one would notice that he had to do the walk of shame to the hospital.

--

"Aren't those the clothes you wore yesterday?" Izzie asked, twisting her long blonde hair into a bun.

"Uhh…no." Alex lied very badly.

"Yeah, they are. Remember- I told you I liked that shirt."

"I don't think so."

Izzie's eyes narrowed.

"You hooked up with someone."

"No, I didn't."

"You totally did."

"Izz, what does it matter if I did?"

"So I'm right!"

"About what?" Meredith walked up, looking a little disheveled with her damp hair and no make-up.

"Alex hooked up with someone last night." Izzie informed her.

"Who?" Cristina asked, joining them.

"NO ONE!" Alex said, actually wanting to see George for one time in his life.

A little testosterone would be helpful right about now. Granted, it was O'Malley, so it would be very little testosterone, but still.

"Weren't you at Joe's last night?" Cristina asked,  
reminding him of an interrogator.

"Y-Yes, I'm always at Joe's."

"Was it some random girl or someone from the hospital?" Meredith asked, pulling on her scrub top.

"Just some random girl." Alex mumbled, leading them out of the locker room.

Izzie looked at him carefully.

"He's lying."

"About what?" George fell into step with them.

"Alex hooked up with someone from the hospital and he won't tell us who." Meredith informed him.

George raised his eyebrows, about to ask more questions.

Bailey heard them talking, and rolled her eyes as she made her way over to her interns.

"Is this a slumber party or a hospital, people? Quit running your mouths and listen up. Stevens, Grey,  
Yang- you're with Burke on a consult. O'Malley- you're covering the pits this fine morning. And Karev-"

"Is with me." Addison walked by quickly, motioning for him to follow her.

"Morning, Dr. Montgomery." He said, grinning as he walked beside her.

She gave him a warning look.

"Don't."

"Don't what?"

"Don't…think what you're thinking."

"I don't know WHAT you mean." He said innocently.

"Just…at least pretend to take your job seriously."

"Sorry. It's a little hard to focus when I keep picturing you nak-."

She grabbed his arm, yanking him into an empty hallway.

"Stop. Talking." Addison ordered him.

"This sounds familiar." Alex smirked.

"I'm beyond serious. You and me- never happened. Just forget about it. I significantly outrank you. The Chief is one of my close friends. If I wanted you gone from this hospital, it wouldn't be that hard."

"You came on to me!" Alex argued.

"Oh, right." Addison rolled her eyes.

"Besides, you'd never get me fired."

"You don't think so?"

"No. You'd miss me."

"You're so full of it."

"You ever hooked up with some one inside a hospital"  
Alex said, nodding his head towards the on-call room.

"Alex…"

"Have you?"

She sighed.

"With Dr. Shepherd?" Alex wrinkled his nose.

"This conversation's over. From this moment on,  
anything concerning you and me together in any way,  
shape, or form is not a topic of discussion between us. Agreed?"

"Whatever you say, babe." Alex put his hands in his pockets, laughing.

"Don't ever call me that again."

They walked together back around the corner, and ran right into Derek.

"Derek!" Addison said, flustered.

"Addison." He said, looking between her and Alex with a very strange expression of bewilderment on his face.

"Dr. Shepherd." Alex nodded, walking away quickly.

Derek caught Addison's elbow as she practically ran off.

"Just letting you know- the Chief has our plane tickets. We should meet at his office around noon to leave for the airport."

"Fine." Addison said, her cheeks flushed.

"What's up with you?" Derek looked at her curiously.

"N-Nothing."

"Liar."

"I'm completely fine. I will see you at noon."

Derek raised his eyebrows.

"Ohhkay."

"What? I'm fine." She walked off, her high heels clacking on the floor.

"Whatever you say…babe." Derek said, unable to suppress a grin.

She froze.

"What did you just say?"

"Nothing. See you at noon." Derek smiled innocently,  
walking away.

-- 


	2. Chapter 2

A/N- Thanks for the great reviews everyone! Enjoy…

You Can't Always Get What You Want Chapter Two --

All the interns stood at the desk, looking over charts. Cristina looked up, hearing the clacking of heels. Expensive Prada heels, she noticed upon closer examination.

"Where are McDreamy and McBitch off to?" She intoned to Meredith.

Meredith looked up to see Derek give her a small wave and smile.

She smiled back, watching him leave.

Addison glanced over at the group of them, and Alex winked. She looked away quickly.

"Some kind of conference-review thing for their graduating class. I don't know- he wouldn't get very specific about it."

Meredith was relieved to see that Derek and Addison didn't exchange a single word as they left the hospital. She didn't think she could have taken seeing them walking out together, laughing and talking.

They suddenly heard the clapping of hands, and turned around to see Bailey looking, as always, incensed.

"Hey hey HEY! Just because Mommy and Daddy are leaving for the weekend doesn't mean it's time to slack off!  
People in Seattle still gonna be doing stupid things that we gotta stitch up! You got your assignments- get to work!"

She walked off in a huff.

"Does it bother you that he's going with her?" Izzie asked, looking at the hospital doors swinging shut.

"Yeah…but I mean, I couldn't just whine about it all morning."

"It's no big deal, Meredith- she's totally over him"  
Izzie shrugged.

"You're right. Don't you think?" Meredith looked at Cristina.

"Yeah…Dr. Montgomery's still with McSteamy, anyway."

"No, they broke up." Izzie said.

"So she's not with anyone?"

Alex coughed, suddenly looked very interested in his charts.

"What do you think, Alex?" Meredith looked at him.

"They'll probably have ex sex." Alex shrugged.

"Oh, that's helpful." Izzie glared at him.

"Guys, shouldn't we…you know, get to work?" George suggested.

Everyone sighed, heading off their separate directions, except for Cristina and Meredith. They walked onto the elevator together.

"Cristina?"

"Yeah?"

"Would you care? If Burke was married before, and he had to go on a weekend conference with his ex-wife?"

"What's his fake ex-wife look like?"

"Um…Addison-ish."

Cristina considered this for a moment.

"Please answer faster." Meredith whined.

"Nope. Wouldn't care one bit." Cristina said a little too quickly.

"I hate you." Meredith sighed, leaning against the elevator wall.

--

Derek and Addison sat in cramped quarters, sipping drinks- Addison, a vodka tonic and Derek, a scotch.

"I can't believe the hospital booked us in coach"  
Addison sighed, trying to cross her long legs.

"I know. We should have just bought our own tickets"  
Derek said.

"Yeah."

An awkward silence fell.

Addison waved to the flight attendant to refill her drink.

"Addison." Derek shot her a look.

"What?"

"We've barely even left the runway. Take it easy."

"You know I hate flying."

"We haven't seen these people in years. Do you want to show up trashed?"

Addison ignored him, shaking the ice in her drink.

"So…should we have the perfunctory conversation?" She looked over at him.

"Sure."

"How's Meredith?"

"Fine. How's Alex?"

She sighed.

"Derek…that…what you heard…it's nothing."

"So you didn't sleep with him?"

Her eyes narrowed dangerously.

"I don't really see how that's your business anymore."

"It's not. Just…I've got to say, Addi, I'm impressed.  
Me, Mark, and now Alex. Must be exhausting."

"Yeah, who do I think I am? Meredith Grey?" She shot back.

Just then, their flight attendant approached with a big, cheesy smile. She handed Addison her refill.

"Anything else I can get you two?"

"A different seat?" Derek mumbled.

"Ass." Addison muttered.

"Drunk." Derek retorted.

The flight attendant's practiced smile wavered slightly.

"Anything else, just let me know!" She said, smiling so big it looked painful.

"Just keep 'em coming." Derek said, downing the rest of his scotch.

--

Derek and Addison made their way through a mass of old classmates and colleagues to the sign-in table.

"Addison? Addison Shepherd?" A thin, tightly-wound looking woman grabbed Addison's arm with her skeletal grip.

Addison looked at her, trying to recall her for a moment.

"Sharon." Derek said quietly, rolling his eyes.

"Sharon!" Addison's face broke into a wide, practiced smile.

"Yes! Oh, god, it's so good to see you," She grabbed Derek's arm with her other bony hand, "And the hot hubbie! Nice to see some things never change!"

Derek laughed weakly, looking very uncomfortable.

"It's actually Dr. Montgomery now." Addison said, a little coldly.

Sharon's eyes flicked automatically to Addison's left ring finger.

"Oh…Oh, this is embarrassing."

"Don't be embarrassed. It just happened recently."

"But you guys are Derek and Addison! I mean, you two were practically an institution around here!"

They looked at each other.

"Were we now?" Addison said, picking up her nametag as well and smoothing it on her shirt with a look of distaste.

"Yeah! Everyone in our class either wanted to be you or sleep with you!"

Derek covered a laugh with a cough. Addison raised her eyebrows.

"Well…that's nice to hear."

"We'd better go sign in." Derek said.

"Yes. Good to see you, Sharon!" Addison said, as he took her arm, leading her away quickly.

"She always was a little off." Addison said quietly,  
laughing.

"What field did she end up going in to again?" Derek asked.

"Dermatology."

Addison and Derek looked at each other, smirking.

"Well, that explains a lot."

"She always had a thing for you," Addison grinned.

She stopped for a moment, considering.

"And maybe me a little too."

Derek laughed despite himself.

They approached the sign-in table.

"Well, well. Don't you two look like the happy family again."

Addison and Derek turned around to see Mark Sloane,  
casually affixing his nametag to his $300 button-down shirt.

--

A/N- More to come soon! Please review… 


	3. Chapter 3

A/N- Hello everyone! Okay, did everyone notice in episode 3, every time Alex and Addison see each other,  
they totally check each other out! Cracking me up…those two have got to hook up this season. On with the story…

You Can't Always Get What You Want Chapter Three -  
1993 -  
"…thus presenting one of the greatest advances in neonatal surgery in the past fifteen years." A 22-year old Addison Montgomery finished her presentation to polite applause.

She closed her laptop with an efficient snap, a small smile on her face. She had done a good job, and knew it.

As she made her way back to her seat, a pair of eyes followed her closely.

"What a fox." Mark leaned over to his best friend and roommate Derek.

Derek shrugged noncommittally.

"Oh, come on? You don't think she's hot? Legs for days, a face to die for, and-"

"She's okay, I guess." Derek cut him off, feeling uncomfortable.

He and Addison had worked on a few group projects together, and he liked her. A lot. But he had noticed that anytime he let Mark know he liked someone, Mark took it as a challenge and slept with them. And he didn't think he could handle watching Addison do the walk of shame out of their apartment. She was better than that.

She should be with him, anyway.

"I'm going ask her out." Mark said with an air of a very important decision being made.

"You think she'd go for it?" Derek said, feigning indifference.

Mark gave him a devilish smile.

"Please."

--

three weeks later…

--

A thunderclap seemed to make the pavement shake under their feet as Derek and Addison hurried into his apartment.

Rain came down on them in sheets, and Derek held his jacket over her head as they hurriedly closed the door.

They looked at each other, soaked from the rain and both started laughing.

"Do I look that bad?" She giggled, pulling the hood of her NYU sweatshirt off her head.

"No. I like the drowned rat look."

"Oh, shut up, fro boy."

Derek self-consciously smoothed down his unruly mass of hair.

"Maybe a study break wasn't such a great idea." She grinned.

"Well, at least we got good food." Derek said, pulling out their soaked take-out containers.

"True." She sat on one of the barstools, pulling her knees up to her chest.

They ate in silence for a moment.

"So…you and Mark…" Derek looked up at her.

She rolled her eyes.

"God, no."

"Really?"

"We only went out once, and it was terrible. He didn't tell you?"

"Guys don't really talk about that stuff."

"Well, trust me. Your roommate is not the lothario he imagines himself to be."

Derek raised his eyebrows. She sighed, explaining further.

"How would you like it if I tried to feel you up before we even got to my car?"

"Turned on."

She laughed.

"Well, it didn't do it for me."

"That's too bad."

She took a bite of broccoli.

"Is it?" She suddenly asked.

"What?"

Inexplicably, Addison Montgomery, the most confident girl he'd ever known, was blushing.

"Never mind."

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong." She got up, throwing her take-out container in the trash.

Derek watched her, confused.

"I should probably get going." She said, putting her hands in her sweatshirt pocket.

"In this storm?" He looked out the window, just as it was rattled by another clap of thunder.

She looked at the ground, not answering

"Addison, seriously, did I do something?" He got up.

She looked up at him, her eyes red.

"No, Derek. That's the problem. You didn't do anything."

She pushed past him to leave.

"Addi, wait!"

She stopped, her back to him.

"What?" She asked quietly.

"I didn't want you to be with Mark. It would kill me to see you with him. Because you should be with me."

She finally did turn around, a small smile on her face.

"Derek…"

Without giving it any more thought, Derek crossed to her and did what they'd both been wanting for too long to remember. He took her face in his hands and kissed her.

Her hands went into his hair, tangling in its wet curls. He pulled her NYU sweatshirt over her head, as she unbuttoned his shirt. They moved closer, their bare skin wet from the rain.

The kiss broke, and they breathed in rhythm for a moment.

"I'm freezing." Addison whispered, as he trailed kisses down her neck and to her shoulder.

"I have a shower." Derek mumbled, his teeth brushing her skin and making her shiver with pleasure.

"A shower sounds nice." She smiled.

He kissed her again, and they made their way into the bathroom, clothing scattered on the floor.

--

"DEREK! You will not believe this…" Mark came in,  
closing the door behind him.

He stopped when he saw clothing scattered across the floor. One article happened to be a red lacy bra.

"Niice." Mark said under his breath, wondering if he'd underestimated his roommate.

Just then, Derek stepped out of his bathroom in boxers and a t-shirt. He nearly jumped out of his skin when he saw Mark.

"M-Mark! You're home."

"Yeah, I do live here." Mark said, picking up the bra.

"Put that down."

"Why, Derek Shepherd, is there a GIRL here?" Mark grinned.

"Just…just put it down."

"This is a pretty sexy bra. I'm going to have to demand an explanation." Mark smiled wider.

Derek opened his mouth to speak, just as the bathroom door opened.

Addison walked out in one of Derek's t-shirts and sweatpants.

Mark looked at her for a moment. Then at Derek. Then back again.

"H-Hey, Mark." Addison said, her cheeks flushed.

"Well, hello." Mark said, finally dropping the bra.

"Look, Mark…"

"Oh, come on. Please don't try the "this isn't what it looks like" routine." Mark rolled his eyes.

"We were just taking a study break…." Addison said,  
leaning against the wall.

"Well, remind me to join that study group," Mark laughed, "You know, Addi, when you blew me off because you had 'other things to do' I didn't think you meant my roommate."

Derek sighed.

"Come on, Addison, I'll give you a ride back."

She looked at him gratefully.

"Don't forget your bra!" Mark held it out to her.

Addison snatched it, glaring at him.

"Asshole."

"I do my best."

--

"Honey?" Addison Montgomery- Shepherd looked through the pantry, sounding irritated.

"Yeah?" Derek poked his head in.

"Do we have anything to eat?"

"I don't know, babe, you're the one looking in the pantry."

"Anything GOOD."

Derek sighed.

"Are you wanting me to go get you something?"

She looked at him, smiling.

"Would you?"

"Sure. What do you want?"

"Something greasy."

"Chinese?"

"Yeah."

"Okay. I'll be right back. I'll get some for me, we'll have dinner together."

She smiled, tears suddenly in her eyes.

"That sounds perfect."

"Addi…is everything okay?" Derek looked at her,  
alarmed.

"Yeah. Everything's fine."

"I'll be right back."

"Just…just one more thing."

"What?" Derek turned around, shrugging his coat on.

"I'm pregnant."

Addison would never forget the look that crossed her husband's face. She had never seen him look so happy in her entire life.

"Seriously?" Derek crossed to her, taking her by the arms.

"Seriously. Just a few weeks along but…honey, we're finally going to have a baby." She said, happy tears sliding down her cheeks.

He hugged her tightly, then stepped back with his hand on her still-flat stomach. He shook his head.

"It's pretty sad that I'm a doctor and this still seems pretty amazing." He laughed.

"Derek, I deal with this every day and I still couldn't believe it." She smiled back.

He kissed her, holding her face in his hands.

"You're the best thing that's ever happened to me.  
This…us….our family," Derek said softly, "…is the best thing that's ever happened to me."

--

Mark sat in the corner booth of the bar, sucking down his third Scotch.

He saw Derek walk in, shoulders slumped…completely defeated.

Derek didn't even look at him as he sat down across from him. Mark ordered him a drink.

"Do you want to talk?" Mark finally broached the silence.

Derek had both his elbows on the table, one hand in his hair, the other flat out in front of him.

"Come on, buddy, please tell me what happened."

Derek didn't say anything.

"Did you and Addison have a fight?"

There was a long silence. Finally-

"She lost the baby."

Derek's voice sounded dead, hollow.

"I'm so sorry." Mark said, stunned.

Derek just shook his head, finally looking up at Mark.  
His eyes were red-rimmed and exhausted.

"She was farther along than most…most women who miscarry. It doesn't make any sense." Derek said, his voice expressionless.

"How is she?" Mark couldn't help asking.

"Awful. She won't even come out of our bedroom. She just told me, walked in the room, and closed the door."

"How are you?" Mark asked quietly.

Derek took a deep breath. His breath caught in his throat, and he put his head in his hands again.

"Fuck!" He cried, his shoulders starting to shake.

"Derek…"

"Everything was so perfect. We had everything ready for our girls. Their names, their nurseries…she even was working out her leave. It doesn't make any sense"  
Derek pounded his fist down on the table.

"Sometimes, things like this…"

"Just happen? No! I don't accept that! I'm a doctor,  
Mark, and I see cause-and-effect every day! She did everything right! This shouldn't have happened!"

"Derek, you, being a doctor, should know better than anyone that bad things happen to good people everyday."

Derek shook his head, suddenly angry.

"What the hell do you know about it anyway? You're a plastic surgeon. You don't know pain. Not like this.  
You fix people's noses and tits, and call yourself their savior, but you're not! It's pathetic! Addison spends every day bringing babies into this world, and the one time she actually tries to have one herself,  
she loses it? That's not fair! That's not right! This is so fucked up I can't even stand it."

Mark sighed, nonplussed by the insults. He knew what Derek and Addison thought of his career, and didn't care. Well, he didn't care what Derek thought, anyway.

"It's okay to be upset. But think about this way- you still have her. Addison. You still have the greatest,  
smartest, sexiest wife a guy could ever have. She loves you. So much. And she needs you now, probably more than ever."

Derek finished the Scotch.

"I can't…I can't help her when I feel this empty."

He put down his drink, and got up, leaving a five dollar bill on the table.

"Where are you going?" Mark looked up at him,  
confused.

"I need to be alone."

--

two months later…

--

Mark knocked on the front door of their brownstone.

Addison answered the door, in sweat pants and a black CGBG t-shirt.

She had just taken a shower, and looked unbelievably sexy.

Mark swallowed hard.

"Mark! This is a nice surprise!" She smiled, hugging him.

He felt the smell of her shampoo flood his nostrils.  
Strawberry.

"Where's Derek?" He said, a light rain starting to fall on his Armani suitjacket.

She rolled her eyes.

"Where do you think? Here, come in, it's starting to rain." She led him in, closing the door behind him.

"At work? Now?"

"Believe me, this is nothing unusual."

"It's almost 10:30." Mark said, checking his watch.

"Derek comes home to sleep and shower. That's all"  
She said coldly.

Then, as if realizing that was not a very appropriate topic to discuss with his best friend, she smiled,  
laughing stiffly.

"Let's not talk about him." She said, walking into the living room and flopping down on the overstuffed couch.

"No, let's not." Mark said, joining her.

"So what brings you here?"

"Just wanted to see you guys."

"Well, I guess I'm all you're going to get." She said,  
channel-surfing.

Mark looked over at her. She was in sweats, wearing no make-up, with messy hair, and he had never wanted a woman more in his life.

"So, how's life?" He asked her, as she poured herself another glass of wine.

"You want something to drink?" She dodged the question artfully.

"Yeah. Sure."

"We have everything."

"I'll just have what you're having."

She brought him another glass from the kitchen,  
sitting down again.

"Life is…work. Everything's just work."

"What do you mean?"

She shook her head.

"How are you?" She asked, clearly not wanting to talk about it anymore.

"I'm good. I miss you. And Derek."

"I miss him so much." She swallowed another sip of wine, and Mark noticed that the wine bottle was nearly half-empty.

She had been at this for a while before he'd arrived.

"Addi…"

"No, I'm sorry, I'm being so depressing." She laughed,  
looking at the TV.

"You can tell me how you feel. You know that."

"You're a good friend to me." She said thoughtfully.

"Tell me what's wrong."

Addison finished her glass, sighing. There was a long moment where neither of them spoke, the quiet drone of the 10 o'clock news in the background.

"I feel like I failed."

"Failed?"

"I failed myself. I failed Derek. At work… I just look at these women. And I hate them."

She bit her lip hard.

"Why?"

"Because they're…they're so stupid. Unwed mothers,  
crack-addicted streetwalkers, 40-year olds on fertility pills…they can all do it. I help them do the only thing I've ever failed at in my entire life. And I have to smile and hold their hands, when I just want…"

She put her head in her hands.

Mark clicked off the TV, and put his hand on her shoulder.

"You didn't fail, Addison…"

"I did. You know I did. All my life, all this time,  
I've dreamed of being a mother. Derek has wanted kids since…forever. And now…he won't even look at me. Won't touch me."

"Why not?"

She looked up at him, tears leaving wet trails down her cheeks.

"Because I'm damaged now. Because we were perfect. We were Derek and Addison, the perfect couple. And I ruined that."

"Babe, you didn't do anything wrong." He put turned her face to him.

"Then why do I feel like this?" She shook her head,  
crying harder.

"Derek's an idiot. If he doesn't want you, he's an idiot." Mark said, suddenly feeling his heart hammering against his chest.

"He's so far gone. I look at him, and he's a million miles away. He sleeps next to me, but he's never…he's never there."

"Addison, you're the most amazing woman I've ever met in my life. Derek's the luckiest guy in the world to have you. If it was me…"

She looked up at him, surprised.

"If it was you, what?"

"If it was me, we'd try again. If you were with me, I wouldn't be able to keep my hands off of you. I wouldn't be able to stop myself, every day, from telling you how much I love you."

Addison blinked in shock.

"What are you saying?"

"I love you, Addison. I've loved…for so long. He doesn't deserve you. And neither do I, but I see you.  
I want you more than I've ever wanted anyone. I'd be with you, every moment I could. I love you so much."

"Mark…" Addison had stopped crying.

He kissed her, drinking her in, his dream girl, the one he'd fantasized about every night…

She broke away from him, looking at the floor and breathing hard.

"Leave." She said quietly.

Mark couldn't just walk away. It had taken him 13 years to work up the nerve to do this.

"Do you really want me to go?" He asked, his hand sliding up her leg.

She closed her eyes, sighing slightly. She wanted Derek. She wanted Derek to want her. But he didn't.  
And he wouldn't again. And Mark was here.

"Mark…"

"Tell me what you want me to do, and I'll do it."

She looked at him, her mascara smeared, her eyes unreadable.

She slowly took off his jacket, unbuttoning his shirt.  
He didn't do anything.

She met his eyes, her lips inches away from his.

"I want you to give me the best sex of my life. That's all I want from you. Make me forget…make me forget him."

So it wasn't quite the admission of love he'd been hoping for. Addison, in his arms, saying yes, was pretty damn near close.

He kissed her then, hard. And this time she kissed him back. He picked her up off the couch, as she wrapped her long legs around him. They made their way up the stairs, into the bedroom, where he showed her he was more than up to the task.

--

A/N- Next time we go back to the present…just had to give some backstory on three of my favorite characters. Please review! 


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